The Day

A bit more elaboration of my Facebook post for those who care.

Mission Street Park! I remember loving that dumb little minuscule park! There wasn't too much to it folks, just a couple slides, a jungle gym and a carousel wheel! I think there might even have been a sandbox. It was sandwiched between two houses, one of which I had been in because it had been a friend of my grandmother's. My Sis, Bro and I would get to go down there with Mom before our father got home. He actually didn't like us going out of the house so much and we sometimes would live in terror of that, but when Mom would sneak us out it always became the time of our lives! I remember that every time we went, we'd take in the full effect of the park! We went on everything, slides, jungle gyms, we'd run through the grass, and perhaps even tried to climb the trees!

My Mom would sit there on a bench table loving us from a distance. There were no cell phones way back then, so she would either bring a book or just watch us! But thats not all she did! Mom loved to be a kid too! In fact years later one of her online monikers would turn out to be 'Big Kid'. My Mom would run with us, play with us and even kick a ball back and forth with us! God, my Mom was great! She loved being with us so much! We were the delight in her day, the light to her darkness, I know this now! She loved us more than anything and indeed sacrificed so very much for us to be happy! By god, she did a great job and it really paid off! Any one of us could be in dire straits now if it weren't for her love and devotion to us!

But getting back to Mission St.

The particular memory that is in my head is the day we were visited by a someone at the park. His Name was Jerry. Jerry was a friend of my Mom's and I think my Mom knew he loved her ( though he would not be able to be with her for quite some time). He loved us kids too! Just like she did, unconditionally! It was such a great feeling! We loved when he would come around, it lifted our hearts as well as our Mom's! (Especially our Mom's!) I remember that he was alot like Mom and would play with us! He'd run with us, he'd kick ball with us and everything! Jerry was Mom's perfect match and that was only a big fat plus for us kids!!!

That particular day we wanted Jerry to spin us in the carousel wheel! We loved that stupid dilapidated wheel! He agreed with a to be expected hesitancy. He was thinking of our safety. But with three children goading him into it and the love of his life maybe even encouraging it, he caved and decided he would give us a spin Now we all knew Jerry was strong, so Tony, Ruth and myself braced tightly! Jerry grabbed a rung and we began our maddening churn, Around and around we went! One of us (probably me) yelled 'faster!', Tony had already had enough and was looking languid and Ruth was probably holding on for dear life! But in the same moment we were all LOVING IT!!! I am pretty sure I was about ready to lose my lunch as we spun faster and faster. Jerry had already stopped spinning us, but the momentum proved to be too much!!! One of us (Tony or myself I can't really remember) finally went hurdling into a tree!!! Another flew out and onto the ground! Jerry and my Mom went rushing to our rescue! We were OK. Perhaps just a little dustier and a bit more weary of carousels afterward! But we were OK. I remember how sorry and bad Jerry had felt, but we were not mad at him not in the least! We had gotten the ride of our life and had asked for it!

That was one of the best days of my life! I remember it as though it were yesterday! Even if it was my body that flung into the tree and slunk down it's side like a heavy sack of potatoes, I would so do it all over again! I miss those times even though they were shrouded in fears of other things that were happening in our lives. It was a beautiful day and there were oh so many more like this! I miss my Mom so very much and it pains my days at every turn, but thankfully we still have Jerry, and we know that he still loves us the very same as when he met us, unconditionally! We are among the luckiest kids on earth to have two such loving and wonderful Parents! I wouldn't trade them or the time we shared for an eternity in Heaven or anything in the world at all!

You Get One Shot

We're all going to die, and we only have one shot at life!

For most of us this may not be news. We have little reminders of these things in our daily lives. But recently with the absolutely untimely death of my Mother who was the greatest person in the world to me, I have been forced to stare at the end of my line. It's truly now that i come to my senses and see what is truly right and what is truly wrong. Oh I don't know everything and I am positive I will continue to make mistakes and continue to learn. But what I have learned is that we've got this one life to live, you know? Why should we spend it being bitter? Yes, it is sad that it takes the death of a loved one and after all these years to see the important things. For whatever reasons, we we're put into families and bound by blood to these 'other people'. Sometimes that turns out to be a good thing, a bad thing or perhaps for some, neither.

But like it or not, somehow, some way we are connected to them and they to you!

Now here I am not talking about people born into extremely abusive families where every day your loved ones belittle you or perhaps beat you til you are covered in purple and black bruises for a week or two. A family so bad I could not possibly hope for any reciprocal love. I can understand getting away from family members who mentally, physically and every which way abuses you on a daily basis. I came from alot of that and had my father to thank for most of it.

I am talking about the family who has its fair share of problems and somehow can't be human beings to each other for well, the life of them! People, there are loved ones all around us! If you don't hate or dislike a person why not get to know them better? Spend some time with them? Care a little. There's nothing left after this, folks, and even if there is, you're not taking this life with you. You want to know what happens? You die and then you go right inside a box and are put into the cold ground! That, or if you prefer, you are cremated and have your ashes freed over an ocean or something. Perhaps Aunt Zelda is keeping you nice and toasty over her fireplace in some state you only visited once or twice. In the very end, you cease to exist! There's no more planning, no more thinking, no more controlling other people's lives, no more happiness, no more laughing! You don't get to imagine what next year will bring, you won't know if your children are doing well in their own lives. You will never see another sunset, you will never again feel a cool breeze on a warm and sunny day!

The taste of a cold drink or the touch of a warm blanket will be no more! That person or people that made your life tolerable and decent will no longer be by your side or beckoned call! Do you get what I am saying here? Everything as you know it is taken away and you simply cease to be!

So why would anyone who doesn't have it so bad want to spend any more time on being selfish and bitter? Being closed off and a complete asshole?

If I could, I'd spend every moment I could with my Mom knowing that she would die soon! While my Mom was sick and in her last months, I was too busy giving myself to my job that I was investing so much in! Working 14 hour days I found it exhausting to even make phone calls as often as I would have liked. Oh I visited her and I did call. But its not enough and it never is, and it never will be again!

Now I am left imagining the talks we'd have, the laughs we'd have shared, the hugs I would get! Its all just lost time due to wasted time. I would give just about anything to see her again, to hear her again, to feel her unconditional love again! It angers me that others haven't had it as bad but treat each other with indifference and hostility. Frankly, its a very stupid thing to do with your life and you're wasting it!

So get out there, meet your loved ones again as though it were the first time! Don't be afraid to wear your heart out more on your sleeve. Don't be afraid to bash down that wall you've constructed so carefully throughout your entire lives! Its all really a state of mind and if you have the presence of it to make it your own, then you have a shot at making your one chance on this earth and in this life potentially the very fullest each and every day. Regrets could be few and love and laughter could abound!

You may think you are an intelligent human and that might very well be true, but its all for not if you don't actually LIVE your one life. Don't waste it. We're all here together, let's make the most of it! And why the hell not? Who's to say how much fun and life you're truly supposed to have? Ignore the idiots who try to pull you down, they haven't figured it out yet and they may never. That's their loss, don't let them make it yours as well.

It's really easier than you think to love one another unconditionally and truly!

You get one shot. Love. Live. Learn. The rest is life!