Magic:The Druthering

Shubgorn played a land card for his first turn and then with that land he payed for a mana producing creature card. He smiled the toothy smile of someone who knows something that the other could not possibly know, and layed back in his "Stone Chair of Doom" as he called it and waited for his opponent to make his move. Burbur-Nog already had a landcard out as it was he who went first. He looked at his hand quisitively and smiled that same smile back at Shubgorn. He drew a card and played another land. Without breaking eye contact with Shubgorn, he pulled out a card, tapped both his lands to pay for it and cast an "Eye of Decieving Blight" card.

Shubgorn sat straight up in his chair eyes wide and read the card carefully.

"Creature-Slug. A 2/2 creature with an ability. Hmm," he said aloud and stroked his second chin,"Target player must now shrug his shoulders uncontrollably until next turn." Not so bad he thought to himself. Just then his shoulders began to shudder slightly. He was startled at first but realized it was nothing. He laughed at Burber-Nog heartily and sat back in his cold stone chair. "Hahaha! Pathetic." It was now his turn and he began to draw a card when his shoulders jerked his hand back violently. He looked at his shoulders in dismay as they began to betray him in a very disconcerting way. They shook so much that he felt they might come straight out their sockets! Across from him and in a stone chair of his own, Burbur-Nog chuckled an evil chuckle.

Shubgorn was turning red and angrily tried to control his tremoring. He untapped his land and drew another card. Shaking still, he tapped his land and the mana producing creature and paid for the card he just drew. "HA! Echoes of Skin!!" he exclaimed.

Burber-Nog stood up and leaned over the large stone table to read the card. The lighting was bad in the cave, but he could make it out. It read; Sorcery: Echoes of Skin peels any skin that would be covered by hair or have hair growing out from it including ear follicle.

Burbur-Nog looked up at Shubgorn whose shoulders were shaking and whose mouth was curled in a wicked grinchy smile.

Burbur felt a chill infiltrate his body that made his skin crawl! Suddenly and without tenderness, his eyebrows began to tear from his face! He tried to trap them from falling off his face but a force held his hands an inch away from them. When they had finally ripped clean away, his hair began peeling back off his head. He screamed a little and a small tear ecaped his eyebrow-less eye. Shubgorn was now rolling and shaking on the ground in utter joyful laughter and was crying tears of his own!

With the top of his skull showing and now completely hairless, including his ear hair which was the last to go and shot out like so many flying arrows soaring across the sky, he sat quivering a little and in some pain. He drew a card, it was now his turn. Across from him, Shubgorn regained some composure and quaked in his chair.

Burbur-Nog played a land card and now had three in which to use. He tapped all three lands. Still shook from it all and played a card.

"What now? Some piddly thing I suppose." This time Shub came around to Burbur's side of the large stone table and read the card aloud.

"Duly Noted, what kind of name for a card is that? It means nothing." Shub huffed. Burbur lifted the card to his opponents ugly mottled face and pointed out the small text near the bottom of the card.

From somewhere on his body, Shub pulled out his reading focles, he read slowly, "Owner of Duly Noted reveals a card from his hand of his choosing and plays it if his opponent shows any fear or apprehension of card shown." Shub turned slowly to Burbur and staring him right in the face was a card called "Taker of the Small Things". There was no other text, but Shub knew this card well and fear washed over his face thus activating the card. In a mild shock, shub ran toward the cave's exit but then remembered that they had blocked the opening with a large stone that could only be moved by two persons. Upon this recollection, he stopped cowered and dribbled on himself in anticipation.

'The small things', he thought to himself.

Five creepy gnarled hands appeared from nowhere at his feet and began crawling up his legs except for one that stopped at his feet. The hand began first by unlacing Shubgorn's dilapidated shoes and then gingerly peeled off his stenchy socks. Then the hand not so gingerly began to pluck the toes right off Shubgorn's rickety body. He screamed in pain and his cries were joined by laughter from somewhere deep in the cave from Burbur.

Shubgorn lumbered back to the table, his breathing hard and raspy, sat back down in his Chair of Doom and quickly untapped his lands and drew his next card. Without fingers (he lost all his toes, fingers, a bellybutton, and two nipples) he slid a card over with his nubs and flipped it over with his teeth.

"HA! Take this!" He exclaimed and managed a maniacal smile. At least his shoulders had stopped shaking at this point.

Burbur-Nog stopped rolling on the ground from laughter and got up with a second wind to see what spell that nipple-less cretan had cast.

"Oh FargleSlum!" Burbur-Nog exclaimed which meant something not very nice and he quickly hid under the table. The card was just this; "Tell It On The Mountain": target player now has potty mouth for the rest of the game.

"Faleagle Greeble! Carmothinous Slag! Furgus Durgus!" Burbur-Nog could not help his filthy mouth that would never kiss his mother again. He was forced to shout as hard and high as his voice could manage as many obscenities as he knew which unfortunately for him was e numerous.

Shubgorn squealed with monstrous delight and could barely contain himself.

From out the table Burbur came out and dove for his card library and madly drew a card.

"Farkle farkle farkledrip!"

Shubgorn's laughter stopped as his eyes fell on the card just played. He turned white and he swore his heart stopped for a moment.

"Gribbledungformelyope!" There was an unendurable and wretched smile on Burbur-Nog's scaly face. Shubgorn knew this card as well.

"Thorg: God of Ball and Cup. A 1000/2000 legendary beast. Ability: You become the ball for his cup." (Not that type of cup or ball, get your mind out of the gutter and back on the impending atrocity that is Thorg!)"

Shub frantically looked for some kind of counter spell that he may have somehow overlooked in his hand. There was none. Then there was an awful scraping sound that reverberated inside the cave as the large stone that blocked the exit rolled right out of the way. Shub felt his stomach turn and the shaking was back, but it was all him! There at the entrance and blocking out the sun was Thog God of Ball and Cup with Ball and Cup in hand. He eyed Shub and started toward him and was right in front of Shub in three steps which for Shub had been like at least ten! The giant wearing only a small animal skin to cover his unmentionables plopped right down and snatched a fearful Shub right off the ground. Thog proceeded to untie the ball from the string it was attached to and replaced it with Shubgorn. The string itself was attached to the cup which had a long handle for which Thog could hold it. Just then, Thog stood up and actually had to duck a bit in the cave. Thog paid no attention to the pathetic creature on the ground writhing in laughter and pain. He didn't like all the nasty things coming out from it's mouth but ignored it anyway. He found his new toy and began to play with it.

Shubgorn bounced clumsily and noisily. He could feel a certain number of bones cracking and snapping all over and did not hold his screams in not one bit!

"You win! You win! Make it stop!"

Thog bounced him harder and with glee! Thog loved Ball and Cup, he could never lose at it. Except for once. It was back when he was small Thog, but that was a long time ago. The anger of the memory came flooding back anyway and Thog bounced his new ball even harder and with tremendous force!

Shubgorn lost. For sure and thoroughly. But the two would be at it again when their wounds were healed because they loved the game and would'nt stop playing for the world!